sunshine days

We've been through quite a storm, and things are finally settling down.

Today marks 2 weeks- 2 weeks seizure free, 2 weeks tumor free, 2 weeks of healthy life for Aggie and relief for all of us who love her. She really does seem like HERSELF again, and the real, healthy Aggie shines so brightly right now you can't help but rejoice. We are standing in front of Niagra Falls, watching the love and mercy of God pour down on our family.

Do I dare enjoy it? Do I dare let myself love this new healthy Aggie? What if she goes away again? For a couple of days after the surgery I tried to keep my guard up, to guard against hope and joy just in case it wasn't going to last. But in just a few days her sweet laugh penetrated that flimsy wall, and now I just praise God for her and love her.

I cried tears of gratitude and relief that day.
The next day we got the pathology report.

The tumor is a slightly nastier kind than they first suspected. It is a Grade 2, not a Grade 1. Grade 1 tumors typically can be completely removed, and if the seizures go away, the patient is considered cured. Grade 2 tumors are more likely to come back.

It is possible that the neurosurgeon got all the tumor, and if he did, it will not come back. But if he missed just one tiny cell, it will multiply, and it is likely to come back with a vengeance. If it comes back, we will hope surgery is a possibility again (it depends on where in the brain), and at that point she will also need chemo and radiation.

As God would have it, Aggie's neurosurgen happens to be one of the best on the planet, and he also happens to be one of the very few who has ever worked with her particular type of tumor. (Her chances of having this kind were literally one in a million.) Even he has never worked with a child with this kind of tumor, so in short, her long term prognosis is uncertain. She will continue to need MRIs every six months. If nothing comes back in the next ten years, she will be considered cured.

So I only have to hold my breath for ten more years!

We have healthy, happy Aggie back, but the shadow still lingers over our home. And we have learned that we just can't live holding our breath all the time. We have been living with a threat like this with epilepsy- just because it has changed its name to 'tumor' doesn't mean it needs to be scarier. So Aggie is mortal and we don't know her future. The same can be said of any of the kids, really. God is in control- it is not our job to know what lies ahead but to do the works of love he has given us today.

We still hear the thunder rumbling in the distance a little bit, and we are not quite sure if it's the storm leaving or another one coming.... but for now, we will thank the Lord for the sunshine.

God has been faithful to carry us this far. He will be faithful, no matter what the future.