Catching our breath

We are still catching our breath, but things are a bit better today. The emergency medicine stopped the seizures for only 8 hours (last time it was 60 hours) but so far they are still short and mild. We are resting today, grateful for a small break.

I know some people have been keeping up with this blog but you just don't know what to say anymore. I just want you to know I know that, and it is ok. I don't know what to say either. I don't like to be the person whose very presence reminds everyone of this huge sad thing, nor do I like Aggie to be that person. But we do, and we all feel a bit uncomfortable about that. We are in a time of trial, but even though it hurts we all know God is doing something here... we just don't know what it is.

This passage was both disturbing and comforting to me this week.
John 9:1-3

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

While it is a comfort to know this trial has not come as a punishment, it is also a bit unsettling. If we were doing something wrong, there might be hope that we could figure it out and fix it, and everything would be ok again. If it has nothing to do with us but rather with some unknown plan of God... well, that is pretty scary to tell you the truth. I was actually quite comfortable imagining that I have control over where our life is headed, over what kind of family we would be. That is a hard illusion to let go of.

You know my heart Lord- I do not want to be made an example of! Nor do I want Aggie to be if it means suffering... I want a comfortable, normal life that I can pretty much control! If You are the one with the master plan, then that means I have no idea where this is heading. I am scared to trust you with her but I have no other choice.

You promise to do all things for the good of your children. You are her Father and You love her more than we do- Your Word tells us so. Display your works in her Lord. But please, Jesus, give me glimpses of it now and then!