If God were here

(I wrote this for the newsletter awhile back but never posted it here. Yet these thoughts come back again as our church grieves the loss of a dear member. In times like this we are glad when God's word reminds us that it is not always going to be this way.)

One beautiful evening this spring the girls and I took a walk down our country road. We talked excitedly of the new baby that was soon to come- in a couple weeks or so, I told them. Lorraine, ever fascinated with babies, asked me “Mommy, why do the doctors not know what day that baby will come? Why do they just have to guess?”

“Well, honey, there are still lots of things even doctors don't know about our bodies and how God made us. We still get sick... there are still some things doctors don't know how to fix.”

“Mommy!” she said excitedly, as though stumbling on a terrific original thought, “If God were here, nobody would ever get sick again!”

I opened my mouth to take advantage of this teaching opportunity, to say something about God doing good things for us even in sickness, about the cross, or the good things that can come out of bad days...but as I took a breath, the grief that I had been carrying all day about Aggie came rushing up my throat. Images filled my head- the six seizures so far that day, the one on the top of the slide at the playground that could have been disastrous, the weepy eyes and confusion caused by her newest medicine that doesn't seem to be working.... It took all my energy to get my breath back. I turned my eyes to the woods and used all of my strength to hold back my tears. In true toddler fashion Lorraine immediately forgot what we were talking about and moved on to something else. Now it is night, and she sleeps peacefully. I am awake, her comment still haunting me.

Marcus has a high fever and an awful cough tonight.
If God were here.....

I just woke Aggie to check her for a rash or another side effect from her new medicine. I could hardly wake her... is it because it is midnight, because she just had another seizure, or because this new medicine is hurting her sweet body already?
If God where here...

We don't like to say this out loud, but sometimes we do feel abandoned in our pain. We face suffering beyond explanation, and pain that does go beyond what we can handle, pious platitudes aside. We sigh and ache and grieve, we shiver under the shadow of death, and we are sure things would be much better if only God were here.

So is He really here? How do we know? The enemy would have us do what comes naturally to us, and look to our circumstances to answer that question. If we are healthy and happy, it is easy to believe that there is a God, and that He loves us. If we are hurting and miserable, then it is easy to believe that everything we have been told about this loving God must be a lie, or that it does not apply to us. We are attacked with doubts, and doubt turns into fear, and our hearts sink with our burdens.

I can only imagine the disciples and friends of Jesus felt this way as they watched His crucifixion. Of all the dark days humanity has ever experienced, surely that was the darkest. As the innocent Son of God was crushed under the weight of sin and evil, even the sun withheld its rays, All life and hope seemed to disappear with the light.

Yet God was there! His love and grace were right there in that dark and terrible scene. We can see it now as we look back, now that we have learned from the resurrected Christ exactly what God was doing that day.

Because of that day and the resurrection that followed, we have good reason to believe Jesus' words: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He comes to us in our time of trial, He sees our doubtful, struggling hearts, and sends His children and His Word to give us new life. His Spirit reminds us of His faithfulness to us in days past, how time and again He rescued us, even when we were rebellious and stubborn. Like His children throughout all of history, we will face trials as we journey through this world, yet like those children, we will be carried safely through them all. God is with us.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:10-11)