To Lorraine, on her first day of kindergarten

We survived this week of pre-kindergarten anxiety after a sore stomach, some bed wetting, and a canker sore. Three mornings this week you didn’t feel good and wanted to go back to bed, then have mommy snuggles, then talk about school and cry. How I wish I could take your anxiety from you, but all I can do is struggle not to cry right along with you.

You and Aggie have been in bed for an hour, and I just noticed that you are still fooling around in there. Your huge brown eyes glowed with excitement as you asked me for the millionth time, “Mommy, did you like school when you were a little girl?” Those bright brown eyes and the curly hair that frames your face- those enormous dreams you have about your prince and your babies… how can I let you take that huge heart out into the real world? Could you tell I had been crying as I struggled to smile and told you all the things I loved about kindergarten?

Oh Lorraine it is so hard to let you go. This year will bring new challenges, new friends, new everything… Where does mommy fit in all this? Will you still need mommy snuggles when you are sad? Will I be the one you run to, cry to, laugh with? Yes, for a little while longer. But this school business is so hard because it reminds me that this does not last forever. Kindergarten does lead to full time school, to puberty, to dating, to college, to moving away, to (please God) your happily ever after prince and babies.

Forgive me for holding on to you too much, but God help me it is all I can do.

I am sure someday you will read this and struggle to remember any anxiety at all related to school… only fond memories of friends and fun and growing up. As I think of my own mother and these struggles she went through, I realize I was completely oblivious to them as I was living my child life. Just like you and me: You chase butterflies, I ponder the passages of time. I suppose this is the proper role of mothers and children. You will understand someday though, especially if you have those babies of your own that you are always talking about.

With prayer, fear, excitement, and so much love Lorraine, I release you into the world of school and the hands of the Lord.
Mommy

Dear Jesus, thank you so much for your love for Lorraine. It is such a comfort to this fearful mother’s heart to know that you love her even more than I do. You have made her to grow, to learn, to stretch and to fly. You will be with her even when I cannot. Bless her Father. Keep her safe, surround her with friends, lead her in Your truth. Protect her from sin and evil. Bless her with caring teachers who are wise in Your Word, with friends who love You, with all that she needs to walk in this world. Help our entire family adjust to this new season of life. Thank you for the promises that you have given her, and me, that you will be with us through this valley and someday take us home to be with you in eternity. What a comfort as I learn to release dear Lorraine. She is not going far- only into Your loving hands hands. Amen.