“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 68:19

AGGIE NEWS:
Please pray for her on Wednesday as she has an MRI- she will be sedated ("conscious sedation") Pray also for her parents as we wait for results. This is one of the tests the doctor will use to look for underlying causes of her epilepsy. We meet with the doctor next monday and hope to have a treatment plan by then. She is doing the same right now- we are all learning to cope with the frequent seizures and God is providing for our family in every way during this time. Thank you for your prayers!


“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 68:19


Her episodes started three weeks ago now. First they were just strange moments of staring and acting like she couldn't hear us. Then they started happening more often, sometimes with a strange giggle, sometimes with aimless walking and other symptoms. The doctor scheduled tests, we all suspected seizures, and now we are waiting.

We did research. We noticed how exhausted she seemed all the time, like whatever was going on in that little head of hers was completely draining. We learned about different kinds of seizures, and began to suspect she has some form of epilepsy. (This has now been confirmed.) We read about drug treatments, nasty side effects, restrictive diets, and safety precautions. I began to journal the episodes: how often, how long, other symptoms, anything I could think of that might be related. I now have pages and pages of details, and I do not know if any of them are important. Still we wait.

Today she had seven seizures that I am aware of. After one of them, she wanted a hug and some “mommy snuggles” while she watched TV. I held her close to me, kissed her hair, and whispered “Jesus, please help Aggie.”

“Why did you say that mommy?” she said and looked up at me with her innocent, sunken eyes.

I willed the tears that were forming in my eyes to stay there while I rubbed her back and told her not to worry, that she just seems tired and maybe her body is fighting something. She is completely unaware that she is having problems at all- her seizures leave absolutely no trace in her memory.

She is still my little hummingbird, fluttering around enjoying as much of life as possible. She knows nothing about her parent's worries, the tests that are coming, or the decisions we will have to make for her. She does not know her eyes look sunken and tired, nor why everyone asks her if she feels okay several times a day.

Tonight I thought of baby Vivian and her parents. Her life was so short, less than six months, and for her parents it was full of worry, tests, decisions, and nights of watching and wondering And she lived her short life, every day full of tubes and nurses and tests, and every day resting in the love of her parents; hearing their voices, feeling their arms around her. I do not know what baby Vivian knew of the pain, but I am confident of this: she knew she was loved. Her parents loved her while they bore for her a burden she didn't even know she had.

That rather sums up our job as parents, doesn't it? We bear burdens for our children that they do not even know they have and could not bear alone. We care for their bodies, making nutritious meals, making sure they get enough sleep, wear warm enough clothes, keep up with doctor visits, and get lots of fresh air. We care for their minds, providing for their education, socialization, and mental stimulation. We care for their souls, by bringing them to the Lord in Baptism and feeding their faith with God's Word at home and at church. We care for them when it is difficult: when they are sick, rebellious, or in need.

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain. Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord cares for Aggie, we test and learn and care for her in vain. But He does care for Aggie, He has promised in her Baptism and in His Word. She is His little lamb, and He loves her more than I do. He bore her heaviest burden: sin and death: He cared when it hurt, when it cost His life.

Aggie is God's child. She has not been promised a life without suffering: in fact, God's Word tells us that suffering is exactly what we should expect during our time on earth. Yet, we also know that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth being compared with the glory that will be revealed.” We believe that God works ALL things, even epilepsy, for the good of His children. (Romans 8)

As parents, we are called to love our children and bear their burdens with them, just as God has done for us. Sometimes it is easy; sometimes it hurts terribly.. I am not strong enough to watch my child suffer with epilepsy. My heart cannot bear holding her while she recovers from a seizure, knowing I can do nothing to prevent the next one from coming. Aggie and I are the same in that way: we are scared, fragile, and powerless over the future. What can we do but reach out for our Fathers arms?

Just like our children, we also have a Father who bears burdens for us that we do not know we have and cannot bear alone. During these recent struggles with Aggie, I have seen God's hand every single day in the love of others. Through His other children he has provided listening ears, encouragement, strength, babysitting for the other children, and even meals on nights when I was too tired to cook. He bears my burdens---giving me the strength to share in hers.

Together Aggie and I reach for God's help, and God is faithful. He gives strength for each day, and His love drives out fear. He encourages Aggie through caring siblings, cozy blankets, and “mommy snuggles.” And this mommy does not run out of snuggles, because I know that as I hold her, Jesus holds her too. And as I hold her, I am also being held by Him who loves us both.