We got MRI results already at 10 this morning. I was not surprised to hear they did see a little "something" in Aggie's little brain. This "something" is not in any major part of the brain but underneath (sorry I did not get the technical terms from the pediatrician). This "something" may or may not be causing her problems. It could be just an abnormality from when she developed, scar tissue from a minor infection we never knew she had, or an early tumor. As the words "Aggie might have a brain tumor" have been screaming themselves loudly in my head for a couple weeks now, this report has not really changed much in my own mind.
We are really hoping the neurologist will be able to tell us more on Monday morning when we meet with him.
In the meantime, God is watching out for us- even giving moments of joy and just plain fun in all of this. Aggie was hilarious when she first woke up from the MRI. She was giggly, forgetful, and just silly. She thought she could walk but she really could not so we had to carry her for awhile. We took her out to Bob Evans for pancakes because she was starving- not sure how wise it was to take a drunk 4-yr old out in public, but it certainly was an adventure! Josh said, "It's like Aggie without inhibitions!" I never really thought she had inhibitions, but compared to drunk Aggie- she actually uses a ton of self-control on a normal day! All the way home she talked and laughed about everything she saw. "Look a ladder.. laaaaddeerrr.... ladderladder laaaader... that's a silly word!" And then of course over and over again she said "We can't forget to pick up the boys! I love my brothers. I LOOOVE Seth. I LOVE Marcus!"
Her hyperactivity started being not so funny by the time we got home. Her siblings were glad to see her but not so sure they wanted all-out wrestling matches all night long. Even this morning she was just NUTS... constantly running people over and hurting people and dropping stuff! And just when I was thinking "AAAAAAHHHHHH why can't it be summer so she can go outside????" a friend called and offered to have the kids play with hers for the afternoon. Ahhhh... green pastures and still waters- God knows what I need!
So I had a chance to do some housework, read up on epilepsy, pay bills, and other fun things. But before I started any of that I made myself do something FUN, just because I wanted to, not because it was on any list. Marcus and I got out our nativity set!!!! Garland, lights, and all- it looks so beautiful on top of our entertainment center. And now it is snowing- I love it!
So Aggie might have a brain tumor.. what of it? Today she's doing great, and we are going to get excited for Christmas! Yes, I am full of fears and worry, and tears are usually pretty close to the surface, but God is helping me to not let them paralyze me. He reminds me to take each day for the gift that it is, and trust the future to him.
As I read that last sentence, I realize that actually doing that would pretty much be a miracle. But that's what we want, isn't it? And God can do it, for Aggie, for me, for everyone. That is what Christmas is about really.
"Lord, we believe, help our unbelief."
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